return of the bear

I had a highly surreal experience during my walk this morning...

I'm just heading down the hill and I get a text message from a number I don't recognise that just says "Morning hugs"... so I send a message back saying that the number doesn't show up and asking who's messaging me...

I get a one word, gender-non-specific nickname back... at which point my brain is racing a billion miles an hour wondering who the hell it could be... because the only new person I've given my number to in the last 24 hours is Design Girl... so I decided to cover all my bases with my reply...

"I don't think I know anyone called (Name)... Unless you happen to run a stall in the East End Markets... In which case do you provide this level of customer service to everyone... Or is this a wrong number deal?"

And after a while, during which time I was sure that it was a wrong number and I'd either confused or embarrassed the person on the other end I got back a reply that I wasn't sure how I felt about...

"Wat about bear in sydney"

It was one of those moments when you think to yourself... not this game, I don't wanna play this game again... I just wanna take my bat and ball and, well, not go home, but continue on doing what I'm doing... which in my case meant walking by the river (and avoiding being run over by one of the packs of Boot Camp/Personal Trainer led individuals which seem to be popping up all over everywhere along my walking route).

So naturally when I get backed into a corner, whether it be literally or metaphorically, I just turn a little evil...

"Well yeah there is him... But he would want a good reason to start messaging me again out of the blue..."

What I left out of that message was the line I originally wrote and then erased, which read "Like he's single and or planning a plane trip"... because, honestly I had no idea what game we were playing, and I didn't want to give too much ground until I knew what was going on.

There was a little bit more back and forth, until the point where I thought he'd given up because overall I'd probably been more than a little snarky... but eventually he stopped feeding me breadcrumbs and came out with it...

He's now single (because the ex "wasn't ready for what I wanted"... whatever that means), looking for friends, and seeing where that takes him.

So I told him that since I was pretty sure he still had my MSN details, he should message me next time he sees me online. Of course, when I got home I had to check that I hadn't actually blocked him from my list (which I hadn't... deleted, but not blocked)... and now I just wait to see if and when he messages me.

Honestly, I don't know how I feel about the whole thing.

I still agree with the decision I made last July to "break it off" with Bear... it was the right choice at the time, but I also said this when I was originally talking about him:

I want to leave the door open, so if and/or when he is a free agent, well, the lines of communication haven't been totally torn down, and maybe we can hook up... but I think, for my own mental health, I need to bring it to an end.

So is that a case of asking the Universe for something and the Universe giving you exactly what you've asked for, but when you get it you're not sure you want it anymore...

Damn Universe...

Or will it be easier to "rewrite" the relationship now that we've both been off doing our own things for the last nine months or so... can I now just have a friendship with him without it getting all sexualised and emotionally invested? What's that I hear you say? Hell no? Yeah, I think that's probably about the size of it too, but I can give it a shot, right?

At the very least I can hear what he has to say.

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