And I still don't know how I feel about this whole situation...
I'm sure I was overly brusque with him on MSN... in between both of us taking far too long to reply to things... me because I was doing other things at the same time, and him, because, well, that's just what he does (which drives me nuts I have to say... if I'm having a conversation with you on MSN then I'm having a conversation with you... not sitting around for five minutes waiting for you to reply to something I've said)...
He did say at one point that he got the feeling I didn't like him... not so much a question as a statement... to which I replied that I was just wary of the whole situation because I still wasn't quite sure what was going on... but in the back of my mind I couldn't help wondering if because I wasn't actually expecting him to ever come back into my life, and because I was kind of angry with him when he messaged me yesterday... not for anything specific, but maybe because of the way he went about it... although I've thought about that too, and I don't know what a better way for him to basically have broken the whole "I'm single and I wanna chat again" news would have been... or possibly because I thought he was "breaking the rules" and wanting to chat again while still being involved, and so my default setting was annoyance... and now I can't get past that...
In the comments of the previous post, Nodrin asked if I'd missed him... I think that would have to be a no... not that I did or didn't miss him, but just that, with the exception of maybe once or twice in the past nine months I actually haven't thought about him at all. Which was the whole point of getting him out of my life in the first place... so I wasn't thinking about him and getting all messed up over it.
But now he's back... except he's not really back because he's still in a whole other city, and I still haven't met him.
I'm sure part of it is also that, well, people generally don't come back into my life... they just leave and I either pretend I never knew them at all or just try my best to forget about them. And to have someone voluntarily choose to come back into my life has kinda thrown me a bit I think.
Maybe I'm just walling myself off from the possibility of ending up in the same position I was last time... having feelings for someone who isn't in the same geographical area... been there, done that, seen the movie... granted last time it was someone on a whole other continant, but still... I did say to him that if what he's looking for is friends then if we're going to be friends we need to keep it on that level... we'll see if that works, or at least for how long it works... because I was thinking about it last night, and I don't know that we were ever "friends"... we didn't start out that way, and most of our conversations were less friendish than, I dunno, maybe kinda datingish... okay, most of our conversations ended up being sexual in some shape or other... but like I've said before we did have some real conversations too.
And if I could just get him to have an actual real time conversation with me then I would probably tell him all these things...
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6 comments:
You are cool and level headed in handling the whole situation. Good for you! Now that you have left the ball at his court, it is up to him to take actions. The sooner you tell him what you think about the whole situation the better, because it will save you from a lot of heartache later as well as letting him aware what is your expectations. Meanwhile leave the relationship at the neutral stage. As for whether this long distance thingy will ever work, only time will tell. Just open to all possibilities because anything can happen and it is only a matter of time...
The internet is a curse. Almost the whole world is open to you, but it's a casual connection only. Speaking as someone who has also been down this road before, let me say that it sometimes makes things much worse to attempt anything other than friendship. Sometimes just the attempt is all it takes to screw up a perfectly good friendship :(
if I could just get him to have an actual real time conversation with me then I would probably tell him all these things
He texted you so you have his number... ring him up already! Easier said than done, but if you find that you really don't want to then that tells you something too...
Good luck :)
I'm with Tom on this one (I'm sure and many other ones in the past before - damn him - he's so logical...:P). You'd never know if you don't give it a shot. What's the worst thing that can happen? You can't lose what you don't have yet but that's the worst case scenario. You could be pleasantly surprised by what transpires. Live dangerously (did I say that?!!) dude. :)
Yeah, you're probably right Tom... although I gotta say, I wouldn't use my wanting or not wanting to call him as a yardstick, since I hate calling anyone...
And I'm not touching that whole live dangerously line Sunshine :P
The phone doesn't bite... people do :)
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