I've noticed that a lot of the aliases I make up for people I blog about end up being animal related (mythical or otherwise)... Monkey, BlueDragon, Phoenix, Cubby... okay, actually only those ones... I thought there were others, but I can't find any right now...Which, in a nice segway, brings me to Bear...
This is bound to be a little scattered and muddled, but welcome to my thought process on this particular issue...
I started chatting with Bear back in April on Gaydar, which quickly became chatting on MSN... which, after some picture swapping, quickly became quite a sexual conversation... which turned into conversations...
But there are two main problems... Problem #1, Bear lives in NSW... Problem #2, Bear has a boyfriend...
Now, either of these problems on their own, maybe I could cope with... I did make a vow NOT to be "the other woman" at any point in the future, but for Bear, I would probably have broken that rule (or else played a three handed game)... the distance thing is slightly more problematic, but not impossible...
And then Problem #3 started to rear it's ugly little head... I started to get attached to Bear... somewhere in between the sexual conversations, we started having actual conversations, about random stuff at first, but they were actual conversations. And then they became phone conversations... sometimes they worked out better than others... but there have been a few really good, and really real conversations between the two of us.
We have a fair few things in common... we like similar movies and teevee shows... we seem like we could be very compatible.
Now I'm at that stage where he's on my mind a lot, for a bunch of reasons...
He's happy with his boyfriend, he's happy with where their relationship is at, and yet, he's still quite happy to have a dirty online or phone conversation with me.
So does that make me like interactive porn?
If we were in the same state, I have no doubts that some kind of threeway deal with him and his boyfriend would have already been arranged, and I would most likely have him out of my system by now... but this whole DF thing (that would be delayed-fuck... like all the Doris Day/Rock Hudson movies from the 50's... unfortunately I can't claim the reference as my own, but I'm fond of it) is doing my head in.
Do I want to date Bear? Probably not, although I'm not ruling anything out... Could I see myself falling for Bear? Yeah, probably...
He's 24, so that's an eight year age gap... but that never bothers me... but sometimes he just annoys me, like he's not really paying attention when we're talking, whether it's online or on the phone. And of course I go into the babble thing that I do so well, and he just lets me...
Back at the beginning of June, it was Bear's birthday, and had he been willing or able, I put an invitation out there for him to come and visit me for the weekend... although I warned him he probably wouldn't see much outside of my apartment... but he had plans he couldn't get out of... plus, as we discussed later on the phone (during one of those really real conversations) he wasn't actually prepared to cheat on his boyfriend... which I applaud... mostly...
But it also leaves me in a little of a quandary... I like Bear, he's a sweet, kind, funny, sexy guy... but is there any point to continuing this whatever-it-is... yes, we could throttle it back to a friendship, but we've both crossed that sexual line already, and I hate doing the backpedal, and I suck at doing it too. Plus I don't want to... that's not really what I want from him... or rather, not the only thing. But I'm also not sure what I do want...
Do I want him to break up with his boyfriend, fly over here and spend a weekend having hot sex together? Sure... but that's kinda doubtful... and then my brain goes, "but then what?"...
A large part of me, in fact almost all of me, is saying just to call it quits... we chatted, we had our fun, but it's not going anywhere, from either perspective, and it's starting to drive me a little nutso... so why not call it quits here and now while we're still on speaking terms and in a good place. And if he'd stayed online longer a little earlier that was exactly what I was going to do...
I want to leave the door open, so if and/or when he is a free agent, well, the lines of communication haven't been totally torn down, and maybe we can hook up... but I think, for my own mental health, I need to bring it to an end.
You think?
Current Mood:
5 comments:
I'm never sure why it is that I feel remotely qualified to dispense advice on this kind of thing, but what the hell, here goes... feel free to ignore :-)
I see three options...
1) go forwards... work your charms on this guy, he leaves his relationship, moves to SA and lives happily ever after. Breaks your don't be the other woman rule, and then as you say, then what? He could be eNice but real-world A**hole. Would you want him flirting with some bloke on the internet if you were going out with him?
2) go backwards... be friends. But you've said you don't want to do that. Advantages are that it defers the decision... keep him warm and wait and see what happens. Sometimes one step backwards two steps forwards...
3) delete him... remove him from MSN, put his email address in your spam filter, bar his number from your phone. Depends whether you're the kind of person to wonder "what if".
and (sorry, but I couldn't resist this one...)
4) Grin and Bear it. Obviously not a serious option as if you were happy with the status quo you wouldn't have written the post.
Maybe a combination of 2 and 3... Dunno.
And on a completely unrelated note:
I was walking home from a theatre fundraiser last night. It was hot and muggy, hazy. The full moon was at first veiled behind a layer of clouds, then partially visible, then completely visible, but going behind a building. My very thought was, "If only Yaniboy were here with his camera..."
If I were you, I probably wouldn't allow myself for anything to happen, unless he breaks up with his boyfriend. Even so, it'd always leave doubt in my mind as to whether he would cheat on me some day with a future "other woman". My alarm bells would most definitely be going off if I was in your position. But then that's just me. :)
There are a millions questions and answers to this problem.
But, whatever you do (or don't do), there is another person involved (Bear's bf) that also has an equal stake in the situation.
Thanks guys... Granted, I'd already done the deed by the time I read your comments, but it was good to know I was actually doing the right thing for a change.
And Joe... awwwwww... that's sweet ;)
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