movies: superman returns

Pthththththththththththththt...

That would be the sound of me blowing a raspberry...

And also my reaction at the end of Superman Returns...

I'm sure it going to have people forming a mob. snatching up pitchforks and storming the castle, but hear me out first...

When the movie started and there was the familiar swell of the Superman theme song by John Williams from the original movie, I smiled, thinking it was odd, but a nice touch...

But unfortunately as the movie progressed I found myself thinking that the whole thing felt like a bad sequel to the original movies, done with, for the most part, a forgettable or misplaced cast. It just felt like unless you actually knew the Superman movies, or were familiar with him in other ways, then there would be large chunks of the movie that would leave you going "huh?"...

And I know that they included the footage of Marlon Brando as Jor-El as an homage to the original movie, but all it really did for me was reinforce that "sequel" feeling... it ties it too strongly to the previous stuff and doesn't let it exist as a piece of work on it's own.

Brandon Routh could actually have been really bad and really wooden in his acting, if he hadn't been sharing the screen with Kate Bosworth, who was a waste of time as Lois... I couldn't have cared less if she's fallen off the edge of the Daily Planet building... and the two of them had zero charisma together.

And am I the only one who thought that Sam Huntington was playing Jimmy Olsen just a little too gay? I mean c'mon... he made Clark a cake...

Kevin Spacey was just all wrong as Luthor... and he almost seemed to phone the performance in... there was no real megalomania, not much underlying malice... nothing... and Parker Posey was just wasted as the goofy girl sidekick (who's reaction to Luthor's "evil plot" were telegraphed a mile off).

And because it was filmed in Sydney, the couple of roles that were obviously being filled by Australian actors were a little jarring... firstly Peta Wilson (last seen as a "superhero" in her own right in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen)... but more disturbingly, gay former rugby player, Ian Roberts as one of Luthor's goons... that just didn't work for me.

It was actually really disappointing... I'm a huge fan of Bryan Singer's work... I love what he did with the X-Men franchise... but this... biiiiiiiig turkey...

I also found myself wondering if the whole concept of Superman was now flawed... I mean there's not a lot you can do with him... he flies, he's invulnerable, so the only way to really harm him is to drag out Kyptonite... you would think he would have gone around to all the museums and whatnot and said "hey, this stuff, bad... let's just get rid of it, okay?" instead of leaving it laying around where any old evil geniuses can get their hands on it.

On top of that is the whole "holier than thou", "can't tell a lie", truth, justice, yada yada yada... don't get me wrong... they're noble values... but for a superhero, it just makes him dull... mind-numbingly dull actually... to be honest, of all the superheros, Superman was never one of my favourites. And even Brandon with his bad blue contacts and supposed superbulge couldn't spark my interest.

Plus, just doing the math for a second... if Superman has been away for five years... what was he... twelve when he left? They couldn't have found a dark haired guy in his thirties to play Superman? At least make the chronology believable.

yani's rating: 0 Kryptonite shanks out of 5