clinic visit

clinic 275Lord, there is nothing quite like the incredibly nerve racking boredom and terror of sitting in the waiting room of the STD clinic...

Well... unless you have to sit in a waiting room decorated in late 80's pastel tones of pink, pale grey and sage green... there's just something exquisitely painfully boring about that...

And then if you happen to have a couple of skanky, early 20's women sitting near you who just won't SHUT UP about their stupid skanky lives, that doesn't help either... and even when one of them gets called in to see a doctor, the other one still isn't quiet... she verbally shut up, but there were her annoyingly clanky bracelets, and the fact she couldn't even thumb through a magazine quietly... grrrr....

Just wanted to punch her in the face really... yeah, I deal with stress well, don't I...

I'm not sure how long I waited... it was probably 4:15 by the time I got to the clinic, and I left at around 5:30 or so... and I'm sure I wasn't in with the doctor THAT long... it was the waiting that just seemed to take FOREVER...

But thankfully when I was finally called in to see the doctor it was more than worth the wait. Freaky, but worthwhile...

I sat down and the doctor recognised me. From the last time I was in the clinic... which turns out was seven years ago (yes, I know... bad yani... bad, bad yani). And it was doubly freaky because a couple of months after the last time I saw him he went back to New York (I swear, he was SO New York Jewish)... and stayed there for six years and has only just come back to Adelaide... so very much one of those weird coincidence/happenstance things.

But he was great... a little intense a couple of times... but great. He and the nurse were a great double act actually... who knew I'd get dinner and a show (okay, not dinner so much) at the STD clinic. It totally put me at ease and I felt a thousand times better by the time I walked out of there than I did when I walked in.

The downside of the whole this is that they might have to test me a few times before he can properly clear me for the whole syphilis problem... even if I don't have it, it can be very hard to catch on a test... so that's a bummer...

We went through all the usual stuff... random questions that I couldn't always remember the answers to (how many people, how recently, doing what)... although, interestingly, not as many as I remember them asking in the past... I'm sure there used to be a lot more in depth, prying questions of a personal nature.

Then we got to the physical... annoying, but thankfully brief... even with the somewhat uncomfortable "roll on your side and put your knees up" action. He didn't do the highly painful and invasive urethra swab, which I was pleased about, but I did have to go and pee in a cup (thank god I didn't go while I was waiting... but it was a relief to finally be able to pee). Then came the blood test, which I think was probably the worst part... the most painful certainly.

I have to say that I'm a tiny bit apprehensive... I mean I don't have any symptoms, but it's been quite some time since I've been tested, so who the hell knows. Part of me almost expects something to come back positive... let's just say that I actually wouldn't be that surprised. Granted, if it does, and it's something major, I'll more than likely freak the hell out...

Anyway, by the time I walked out of the clinic it was already well on it's way to being dark (thank you Mr Winter), and while I possibly could have trundled down the road and got on the bus, I figured that since I had to walk like three blocks to get to the bus stop, I might as well just head straight home and walk the same distance in a useful direction.

Partially I wanted to see if I could physically do it (well, obviously I COULD do it), and last the distance without falling down and whatever. I did manage it, and I was mostly okay, but I guess it remains to be seen whether or not I SHOULD have walked the distance. My knee doesn't feel that bad, although it was a little "achy" when I got home.

So, yeah... I have to go back next week some time... it won't be next Tuesday obviously, maybe Wednesday since that's their other "late night"...

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2 comments:

Victor said...

You remind me of my visit to a clinic many, many years ago. The (male) assistant who took my blood sample pressed my hand against his package whilst jabbing me with the needle in a most meaningful way. I was too distracted by the embarrassment of being at the clinic to realise the assistant was hitting on me until just after the moment had passed.

yani said...

There's just something sketchy and wrong about picking up somebody (or trying to) at the STD Clinic... it's just not right... and I don't say that about a lot of things ;)

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