fifty things about being gay

1. You can call anyone "honey" including pets.
2. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee.
3. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover.
4. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything.
5. You're the only type of male who gets to say "fabulous".
6. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.
7. You can have naked men you don't know in your home.
8. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex.
9. You understand why the good Lord didn't intend everyone to wear it.
10. You know how to get back at just about everyone. And have.
11. You know that the most important part of a party's decor is the catering staff.
12. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.
13. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away.
14. You're good pals with women other people can't stand.
15. You've always got an opinion.
16. Your car has an amusing female name.
17. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.
18. You know that sex complicates things. So?
19. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't actually an insult.
20. You have at least one movie musical on DVD.
21. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two.
22. You know how to make an entrance.
23. You know when to make an exit.
24. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
25. You know when to play dumb.
26. You know what to do for a hangover.
27. Yes, you do have a condom.
28. You've called someone "girlfriend" who is neither a girl nor a friend.
29. You know when the party's over.
30. You know where to go after the party's over.
31. You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.
32. You know that referring to someone as "a real lady" isn't necessarily a compliment.
33. Your favorite dinner accessory may also be your dinner companion.
34. If your cat is a female, you swear it's a lesbian.
35. If your cat is a male, you swear it's a lesbian.
36. You sing along heartily with songs that make most females cringe, like "Stand by your man".
37. You have a favorite Disney character and it's usually a nasty one.
38. You've left someone totally speechless.
39. You've shaved something other than your face.
40. Your love handles are actually used as such.
41. You've got the most interesting coffee table books.
42. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag.
43. At some moment in your life you've envisioned having back-up girls.
44. You know your enemies.
45. You know that "small talk" can be about spirituality or politics, and "important issues" can be about hair.
46. You've actually lived out some of your fantasies.
47. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object.
48. You have 412 ways to tell someone to get lost. 136 are non-verbal.
49. You can lip-sync to at least one Supreme's song.
50. You have a carefully selected Yiddish vocabulary.

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