spanking

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this story... I'm not sure how I feel about sharing this story... but I think it's one of those things that I want to record, not necessarily for you lot, but for no other reason than so I can look back on it with the benefit of hindsight and go "ahhhh... so that was how that experience went"... we might just file this under TMI (too much information), and leave it at that though...

It should be semi-obvious by the post title and the accompanying image what this post is all about, but, perhaps, not what my role in the proceedings was...

Well, I do have bruises, but they're on the middle finger of my left hand and the ring and pinkie finger of my right.

Yes. I was the Spanker.

In my head I have this list of unusual sexual practices that come under the heading of "That Would Be Interesting To Try One Day, Just To See If I Like It And What It's Like"... and spanking was on that list. Plus, I've always been interested in chatting to people who are into something random and/or extreme, just to see how their minds work and why they like what they like. For no other reason than it's sometimes quite enlightening.

So last night, after watching Dark City (which I picked up on DVD yesterday), I was chatting with various and sundry people, on Gaydar and other places, and there was this guy who's profile expressed an interest in spanking. When I messaged him I don't know that I actually had any fully formed intention, I guess I was just taking the spanking idea down off the shelf, dusting it off, maybe taking a new look at it...

And just as a brief aside... and it's a highly weird thing I've noticed about myself... a lot of time when I'm chatting with somebody online and it looks like something might come of it, I start to shake like I was cold or something... it's really, really, really weird, and it's completely involuntary, but I can't stop it. I think I noticed it more last night than usual because I was actually chatting with two different guys at the same time (which is a rarity in itself) and for a while it was almost like I might have to choose between the two of them (even weirder and rarer) so I was just this vibrating, shaking mess for a few minutes there. It's not like I'm feeling any particular emotion, it's all a physical thing, and if anything I just get frustrated that I can't stop shaking. I'm sure there is some deep psychological reasoning behind it, and probably has a lot to do with just random fear... it's just weird.

Anyway, where was I...

Oh yeah... so after some random back and forth chatter and a brief phone call Spankguy was on his way over.

While I was waiting I wandered around the house looking for various things I could use (and thank god I did, because I hate to think how my hands would look this morning if I'd only been spanking him "manually")... it kind of scared me the number of things that came to mind quite quickly... belt, wooden spoon, this random bamboo cane thing I found out on a walk and brought home for no good reason, a regular thong and one of my firmer wooden thongs...

Thankfully, by the time he was on his way it was after midnight and the building had mostly quieted down, but I put my Linken Park CD on anyway to cover any stray noises... although given the contempt with which I currently hold my neighbours I'm not sure I would have cared if the sounds had disturbed them...

I also realised something else while I've been thinking about this whole experience... back at the dawn of time when I was dating my first (and only) actual boyfriend he was into a little bit of the whole B&D thing, but I never really managed to take it, him, or myself seriously on the few times we attempted something along those lines. But there has been much water under the bridge since then, and to quote the Vicomte de Valmont in Dangerous Liaisons, "I have no illusions. I lost them on my travels." And I now know that I'm capable of being much more in and of the moment when if comes to being a Dominant. Which is pretty much code for saying that I can be evil and cruel when I want to. Although I didn't really stop and think about it until afterwards.

Having said all that, this was my first time being a spanker, so I was basically winging it. I think the fact that I ended up with bruised fingers may be evidence of that. And if you're wondering what bruised fingers look like, well, it looks like I've been playing with ink or a marker pen or something and I basically have faint black smudges on my fingers... very odd.

I will hold my hand up to the fact that I actually enjoyed inflicting the spanking... whether it was the whole control thing, whether it was a cathartic release (I did feel a bunch calmer after he left, and still do to a degree... Zen through spanking maybe?), whether it was just the random titillation of something sexual and new... I don't know... and honestly I'm not going to delve too far into that part of the experience... coz who knows, maybe I just enjoyed inflicting pain on someone...

If I actually had to make a call on what it was I actually think it was probably a little from each of those columns.

What was kind of interesting was that after we were finished I asked Spankguy how I'd done my first time (to which his initial response was "It was different"... not always what you want to hear after your first time doing something), and he gave me some tips and pointers and whatnot... do I think I'll need said tips and pointers? Honestly, I don't know... maybe it's like other things I've tried, I've put a check in that box, now I can file the memory accordingly and put the box away for good. Let's just say that for now, the box is away, but it's near the front, where I can get to it if I need to.

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