Okay, I'm getting my freakout on (as opposed to getting my freak on, which is completely different, or flying my freak flag, which is more fun)... and I need to share, so buckle up buttercup...
It's not even one thing... it's about twenty billion little things...
Firstly, no modem. I signed up for the new ISP last week... I'm positive it said that the model would be delivered (by a different company) within two (working) days. That was four (working) days ago. Well, three technically.
And so I'm freaking out about that... with all the associated "what if's" (what if they say they delivered it and I can't prove they didn't, what if I can't work out how to get myself connected to the net, what if, what if, what if). Granted I'm fully aware that what if's don't help anyone... but my mind does like to wander.
I think it's doubly bad because they're delivering it to work... if I could have arranged a time for them to deliver it here, I might have been okay, but it's the not knowing and suchlike that always does me in.
And, of course, since H-San and Sugarmonkey know that I'm freaking out about it somewhat, they like to prod at that particular sore spot... little buggers. Although Sugarmonkey did crack the three of us up royally on that whole general subject, which made me feel a bit better.
But there's always something whenever I embark on a new path... something that attempts to divert me or impede me. And I'd like to be all Zen and say that it's actually me that's holding myself back, but it's usually stuff that's beyond my control.
On the up side, they haven't told me that my account has been connected or anything yet, so it's not like I have Beast on one side, the internet on the other and no way to connect the two. And if that does happen, at least I can complain about it.
I did attempt to call the ISP earlier, but after sitting on hold for about five minutes on my mobile I was still "number three in the queue", so I gave up and will try again at some point tomorrow from work.
Freakout Number Two... Melbourne.
It's only fifteen days before I'm leaving on a jet plane, and while a fair amount of my freakout energy is currently pointed at the modem issue, there is some of it that's found it's way over to the travel column.
I think I have much less travel anxiety about Melbourne than I did about Sydney... mostly because this will be my third trip there and Ma's fourth... so we pretty much have Melbourne down. But this is different because we're going with Princess T, and while I know what stuff would be good for Ma and I to do, throwing her in the mix changes things.
Like I said to Ma at the beginning of the month though, Princess T will have exactly as good a time as she allows herself to have... if she's obnoxious and bratty then we might just have to drop her in the Yarra.
Don't get me wrong, I'm starting to get excited, as is Ma (although the text she sent me earlier mistakenly proclaiming that she was "herring excited")... I found a bunch of information about times and places for stuff we can do, and I went through and wrote down my list of things to pack a couple of days ago (which honestly isn't THAT dissimilar to the Sydney trip for the most part). But even though it's getting closer by the day, it doesn't really feel really real just yet. I'm not sure it will until Ma brings my suitcase down the weekend before we go... having that sitting around the house for a couple of days should let reality set in.
It's also going to be the longest vacation since I went to Melbourne the first time. Five days didn't sound like all that much when we originally booked, but as it gets closer, and the fact that we'll be spending those days with somebody I usually see for about an hour once a year does add to the freakout a little bit.
The last thing that's weighing on my mind is also literally the least thing...
After J invited me to this "dinner party" on Saturday I messaged him to ask who was going to be in attendance, if only so that I could summon up the necessary amount of enthusiasm for people I would have liked to see.
Turns out there will be 12 people in attendance (and although that doesn't include J's parents, I'm not sure if it includes J... but it does suddenly occur to me that there's a whole Last Supper vibe going on)... most of whom I won't know. So that just doesn't bode well. J has eclectic tastes when it comes to the people that he surrounds himself with (I'm obviously a case in point), but for whatever reason they're not always particularly interesting people. And sometimes I'm fairly sure he likes to combine people because he knows they won't get along.
When you add my general bluntness and introverted personality (no matter what other people may think) to that mix, it could be a recipe for either me being an obnoxious bitch or... actually I'm not sure what the "or" is... maybe just being very reserved.
But hey, if it's that bad, I can always leave.
Okay, enough whining and general self pity and freaking out over little things... I need some dinner...