naughty bloke

spa nookieSomething kinda struck me this morning...

I was doing my usual morning routine, checking my emails, blah, blah blah... and waiting for me in my inbox was a new comment on a post from a while back that just said "You're a naughty bloke"...

Now, given the topic of the post, I couldn't really disagree... but my first instinct was to deny it. And had that particular comment turned up on any other morning than this morning, I might have.

But hot on the heels of my first thought ("No I'm not!") came my infinitely more truthful second thought ("You don't know the HALF of it")... there are lines of detail that I don't cross on this blog (for any number of reasons), and any number of stories that I don't actually tell (okay, not THAT many stories... but I can think of two in the last couple of weeks that I haven't mentioned... and one of them was probably quite story-worthy, although I'm not quite sure how I could have told it without coming across as even more of a "naughty bloke" than previously indicated).

Anyway, I'm probably rambling, because I'm working on something in the neighbourhood of about three and a half to four hours of sleep. And after last weekend's all nighter... and last night's little adventures... I think I'm down about twelve hours sleep...

I'm going to make a solemn vow... next Saturday night I'm not going anywhere or doing anything outside my house after 11pm... In fact, I will be tucked up in bed before midnight and actually get a reasonable night's sleep. I'd do that whole "Boy Scout" swear/salute thing... but I was never a Boy Scout (unsurprisingly) so I have no idea how to actually do it.

So, after a particular conversation with J last weekend, one of his comments in particular stuck in my mind (as it tends to do with him and with Sheba... in fact it's something of a toss up between the two of them as to which one has inspired the most "That think you said really stayed with me and made me think" type comments)... and I'd actually scaled back a lot of my random trawling of profile sites... not to the point of quitting sites, I'm just not leaving them running in the background all the time at present. Although I suppose if I HAD been doing that, this story might have been slightly different, and I could have gotten more sleep... but we'll never know I guess.

But after the final episode of Parkinson last night (yaaaay Billy Connelly... awww bless David Beckham... boo not enough Dame Judi Dench, although there was singing... sad no more Parky... now, where was I) I just decided to mess around online for a while before going to bed. And as we all know, boredom + slightly randy usually = disaster/disappointment. Or at the very least it involves thinking with parts of your anatomy other than your brain.

Which, given my usual batting average, would have been fine... I would have had several pointless and slightly frustrating conversations with inappropriate people, ended up having to take matters into my own hand(s), and then slept the sleep of the self fulfilled.

But given that I know that the Universe has a sense of humour that can only be described as "warped", that wasn't what happened. It was one of those cases where, once you stop caring or paying attention... THEN they crawl out of the woodwork and come find you.

A guy I'd been talking to previously on one of these sites messaged me with a pretty frank and direct message (my favourite kind for the most part... the way to my heart and places further south is to be direct, ask for what you want and don't play games). And it was funny because we'd chatted for a few days originally and then he'd gone silent, and then I noticed that he'd abandoned his old profile and started a new one... so I figured that was really that... but no... suddenly there he was, emerging from the wainscoting (as it were)...

So we ended up having an equally frank and direct conversation on MSN, and even though it was well past midnight at this stage, I still found myself entertaining the notion of driving thirty minutes to where he was (an hour round trip)... and possibly, if it hadn't been for the fact that he lived up near where I grew up, so I had an idea of the general geography, I wouldn't have bothered. But I figured there was only so much lost I could actually get in that area. Plus there was a spa on offer... so, you know... bonus and all that. And I only got "misplaced" once on my trip up there, because I didn't realise I actually had to cross a roundabout before I turned off... but that was it, which for me, is pretty much like a perfect run.

Of course, with all the arranging and looking up of directions and whatnot it was about 1am by the time I set off (give or take) and about 1:30 by the time I got there, even with the almost non existent traffic.

But there's something to be said for being told that you'll be greeted at the door by a naked 25 year old... and when you get there, that's exactly what happens...

I was also quite pleased to see that while he wasn't necessarily as cute as his best photo suggested (but then, who is... that's usually why it's your BEST photo), he wasn't as bad as his worst photo... if that makes sense. The short version was I was pleasantly surprised. Plus the whole naked greeting thing didn't do him any harm.

It's also the first time outside of the sauna environment I've "gotten jiggy" in a spa... can somebody sign me up for one of those please! It's all wet and warm and "naked outdoors in suburbia" and whatnot... perfect for the getting of the nookie. Granted I could have done without the two insane dogs (which I never saw, only heard) going annoyingly mental with barking. I'm sure the neighbours (if they were still awake) must have loved that. I know if it had been me it would possibly drive me insane in reasonably small order (but, then, what doesn't drive me more insane?)... especially if they were doing that all the time.

And while it would have been nice to conduct the whole adventure out there in the spa, between the really annoying dogs and our need for "supplies" we ended up taking the party indoors.

One of my "rules" is that you can never have too much lube. I'm sure there are some situations where that isn't necessarily true... I mean, if there's enough that you could fill a child's paddling pool with it, then unless you plan on taking up a career in "lube wrestling" (which, as a side note, I've seen at one of the Feast Festival picnics and is highly amusing to watch) , you've probably gone a little far. But as a general sort of guideline, "lube, good... more lube, better"... which sadly, my little playmate hadn't embraced as a concept... and I've never quite embraced the concept of fucking on a waterbed... it's not like I get seasick or anything... it's just a somewhat odd experience.

But, even with these few minor hiccups, the evening went along quite nicely... everybody got to their respective happy places... a good time was had, etc, etc.

By this point though, it's about 2am (so yes, half an hour trip down there... half an hour of nookage... and a half an hour trip home again to look forward to), so I ended up just hanging out for a bit, confirming that there really isn't a damn thing on Foxtel at the best of times, let alone at 2am on a Saturday night.

Of course, that was the moment when he mentioned the phrase "my partner"... for a little while now, one of my other rules has been that I won't be "the other woman". You have a partner, that's fine, I just don't wanna get involved. Unless of course it's you AND your boyfriend at the same time... then we can talk. But I guess it's something like the American military guideline... "Don't ask, don't tell". I mean, had I gotten any kind of hint off him, I would have called him on it... but his little off the cuff remark was the first I'd heard about it (and given the fact that the remark was actually about the house being his partner's parents house, my brain needed to retreat a little to marvel at all the things that were wrong with that statement given what we'd been doing). Interestingly enough (I just did a little digging), if I'd been chatting to him on Gaydar as opposed to another site I would have known he was partnered... on the upside, I did score the more attractive of the two... hehehe...

I may call him on it next time I speak to him... we'll see... depends on if I can be bothered really... and how likely it is that there will be a repeat performance.

I ended up leaving around 2:30am-ish, partly because it seemed like the right time to leave (the thing we were half watching on Foxtel had gone to commercial)... partly because I'd made myself a promise I would be at least on my way home by three at the latest.

And I don't know if it was just driving home at that late hour, or what... but every time I came to a major intersection I kept envisioning my own death. I know... weird... but I think it was that whole "late at night, car could come careening across the intersection against the lights, smash into the side of my car... and here I am on my way home from late night/early morning nookie... how do you explain that to everybody who wants to know how I died" thought process. Weird really... and I got over it the closer I got to home.

So yeah... me, naughty... but at least I've had a fair amount of practice at it, so I'm not without my skills in the genre...

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4 comments:

sunshine said...

You know what? You are a very good writer because your stories are always kinda hot. ;)

Oh, also, you might want to invest in a GPS - at least you wouldn't have to worry about getting lost during your late night ventures. :P

yani said...

LOL Thanks... I didn't even think this was a particularly "hot" story... maybe that says more about you than me hehe...

And yes, it's on my list of "oh, that would be nice" things (like if I won the lottery, or found a briefcase full of money in the park, or whatever)... provided they can either get John Malkovich or else some equally hotly voiced guy to do the audio for it...

Monty said...

Ahhhh Yani, haven't read you for a while and I've just realized that I should read you a lot more often...I think I may have found a kindred'ish spirit... ;-)

yani said...

Hehehe... that's kinda why I started reading your blog Monty ;)

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