mixed messages

Do you know what I love more than anything else in the world?

Mixed messages.

No, that's a lie... I don't love them even a little tiny bit.

Mixed messages, stupid people, and people who don't read online profiles before they message you. Plus the people who want to chat with you on MSN at the drop of a hat. And if you roll all of those people into one single person then, well, you've just made my day haven't you.

A couple of days ago this random guy sent me a message on Gaydar saying hi, blah blah blah, and asking to chat on MSN... now I learned my lesson after the last time that happened, so I was a little wary about it, but in the end I figured I might as well say hello.

Now, I will say before I go any further that my Gaydar profile says that I'm not looking for friends or casual chatting... and that I don't have any desire to hook up with a guy who is either married (the number of married guys I still get either messaging me or leaving a track on my profile astounds me though, and is a whole other conversation) or already in a relationship (been there, done that, have the teeshirt)... and this guy was in a relationship.

So, I was doubly wary. Basically I had no idea why the hell he wanted to chat with me... so I tried to avoid the MSN thing, told him to find me in the Gaydar chatroom... that didn't work... so, like I said, I added him to MSN after my curiosity got the better of me (not one of my better traits really).

I was pretty guarded when we started chatting... I was sitting here thinking to myself "okay, so just tell me what the hell it is you want so I can knock you back and we can all get on with our lives". I did say to him at one stage that I didn't know why he wanted to chat with me, but he brushed it off with a whole "you seemed like a nice guy" thing (which implied that he'd read my profile), but followed it up with "plus you look cute in your photos". Now, is it me, or does that sound like flirting?

Then he asked me what I was into... and I knew he wasn't talking about flower arranging and spelunking. I did think to myself "well, that would be in my profile you moron, which you allegedly read"... so I gave him some non-committal answer (I think "little of this, little of that" was the exact phrase).

And the next thing I know, with no lead up or prompting from me, he's sending me a photo of his (admittedly fairly attractive) erect penis.

So, obviously I'm assuming that this is going to the sexual place... not a giant leap I would have thought... in fact, to quote Buffy... "I didn't leap, I took a tiny step and there conclusions were".

There was a little more back and forth, and then he comes back with the ever lovely passive aggressive "you don't seem to be interested in chatting, so I'll leave you be"... which, just briefly, I hate. YOU messaged me, YOU wanted to chat... so obviously YOU had some kind of agenda... me, I'm still trying to work it all out.

I came back with the "I'm still not sure why you wanted to chat with me" thing. His reply... "it's called making friends".

At which point I'm busy making "the eyebrow" at the screen (you know, the single eyebrow that's raised in a "What you talkin about Willis?" type of way). I then asked him if he sends photos of his penis to all his friends. Which I thought was a valid question... because, really, who does that? His answer "Mostly, I'm not shy".

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but that's just a little screwed up. I mean sure, after you know somebody a while or whatever, then sure (it depends on the friend of course... the more likely I am to want to have sex with you then the less likely it is I really want or need to see a photo of you throwing a bone), but within the first fifteen minutes of a conversation with somebody new? That's just not right.

And when I called him on it, he got snotty... well, as snotty as one can get when it's just words on a screen and you're doing the context and interpretation for yourself. Suddenly it was all my fault for misinterpreting his intentions... c'mon... you send me a photo of your penis while we're still saying hello and, yes, I'm not really going to interpret that as a sign that you want to go out for coffee with me.

Now be sure you don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

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