from my post Everything Happens for a Reason
The story about Daggerspell actually comes back to an earlier post, my ramblings about my old gym journals... because it's all kind of interwoven and interlinked back to that.
I did start writing this story a while ago, but I couldn't quite get a handle on how to tell it without it turning into War and Peace... but, after telling Marc a fairly short version of the story on Saturday night, I think I might have a better chance of telling it now...
It all really starts with Ludo... my former housemate (last seen waltzing off into the sunset with Lownee)... he was one of those people that I just clicked with... not right away, but over time... we kind of worked together for a little while at first, then, around the same time that I started the whole gym thing, we started hanging out... and that was when we spent a LOT of time together... and when I lost a hell of a lot of sleep... we would stay up really late talking about anything and everything until the wee small hours, then get up late and start the whole thing over again.
From pretty much the get-go we very much clicked on metaphysical matters... and although I no longer remember the when or the where, I do remember him telling me a story about what he remembered from a past life. Basically, like a lot of stories with Ludo, it was the tale of a woman... but one who he lost. I didn't think a whole lot about it at the time, but I filed it away under interesting and on we went.
Then I introduced him to a girl who was studying at the college I worked for... again, I don't quite know why I did it, but they did seem to click and for a while it all worked out. And then it stopped working...
Around the same time that they were having issues, I was going to the gym at a different time and doing different classes. That was when I met Harpy... I described her in my gym journals as being painfully blonde and perky... if only I'd known the flipside of that was a narcissistic, unbalanced, alcoholic, psychotic bitch.... I probably wouldn't have bothered...
But I didn't know... and she seemed like a really nice woman... I remember reading about her again in my journals, and the way she almost seemed to latch on to me... it was very odd... I remember having had a really awful day and was putting on a brave face at the gym and she just saw right through me, and we hadn't known each other that long at the time either. She was also the one who lent me Daggerspell to read... I think we'd been talking about things metaphysical and she said she had a book I should read.
The basic story in Daggerspell is a fantasy sword & sorcery type tale (and the first in a series), but it concerns a man who loses the woman he loves and vows never to rest until he has put things right. This leads him to essentially living "forever" and encountering the reincarnated versions of his lost love and others in the tale over and over and over again throughout the whole series and watching them periodically self-destruct along the way.
But the thing that really made sense to me was the idea about carrying not only certain personality traits or symbols over from life to life, but more importantly, having the same life lessons played out over and over until you actually learn the RIGHT lesson from them and can move past that issue.
That lesson in my life, however, is a whole post in and of itself...
Getting back to Ludo... by this point his relationship with his girly had pretty much fallen apart, and again, for reasons I don't quite understand or remember I dragged him along to the gym one afternoon to do Harpy's class. It was a noon class I think, and we got there a little bit before, so we hung out in the empty circuit room just warming up and chatting and whatever. And Ludo was fine. Then Harpy walked into the room...
And suddenly he felt completely nauseous... actually, looking back on it, we BOTH should have known then how things would end, but at the time I was just pissed off at him because I was sure he was putting it on. He managed to struggle through the class, but by the time we'd hit the showers and were on our way down in the elevator he was feeling better. So very very weird.
Anyway, cut to a month or so later, and Ludo and I had started sharing a very fabulous apartment in North Adelaide and amongst the various other people who came to see the place was Harpy... and she and Ludo got involved, even though she was still seeing her very tall and very buff boyfriend at the time.
See... my life used to read like a bad Jackie Collins novel....
I don't remember again how all these things got discussed and brought up (it was over 10 years ago, gimme a break), but Ludo's reincarnation story got told again... and to all of our surprise, Harpy was able to add to it...
This is the analogy I used at the time and have used ever since...
Imagine a large irregular shape made out of purple Lego (I know they don't actually make purple Lego bricks... although they might now, because I know they made the Knight Bus from Harry Potter... but ten years ago, no purple Lego)... then imagine pockets of yellow Lego bricks being added in spots... that was what happened after Harpy contributed her portion of the story, or at least the bits she was willing to share. Some of these piece intersected with the existing purple bricks, some where completely independent.
As a brief aside, this is actually the way I've visualised this for the last ten years... I can actually see the Lego in my head when I talk about it... I don't know why... I just can. That's not to say I can't examine bits of the story, I can do that too, but for some reason I see the whole thing this way.
Anyway, one morning while I was in the shower I was puzzling over the Lego brick visual in my head, and I suddenly realised that there were white bricks that weren't there before... now, this isn't a physical construct remember, this is all happening in my head... so I didn't quite know what to make of these white bricks, which hadn't consciously been added... but turning the story over in my mind I realised that there were new parts of the story there, ones that neither Ludo nor Harpy had contributed. There was only one place they could have come from.
Me.
I had the wiggins that day, I can tell you!
I had always been a central part of that story and didn't even know it... as far as any of us have ever been able to work out, the story goes something like this...
There's a man... this man has a brother... the brother is all the things the man isn't... he's accepted, popular, has a place in their society, whole nine yards... the man resents his brother for this... their relationship is strained at best... enter the woman... she's of high status, and as such the man isn't worthy of her due to the "rules" of their society, but the brother is... but she falls in love with the man and rejects the brother... the man and woman plan to run away together and make a new life elsewhere... the brother gets wind of this, delays the brother and goes off to meet the woman instead... when she rejects him again, in a fit of rage he kills her, drowns her in a river, because he would rather see her dead than let his brother have her... the man gets there too late and finds her body... he confronts his brother, challenges him and they fight... during the fight, either by trickery, by accident or through superious skill the man is killed by his brother...
After that it all gets a little hazy...
Ludo was the man, Harpy was the woman and I was the brother.
Yup... I pushed Harpy in the river and drowned her. Or, at least, the Me I was then pushed the her Harpy was then in the river... that still makes sense right?
That was actually one of those white pieces... not the actual drowning, but I can see her standing by the river looking at me... and it's surreal, because it's Harpy, but it doesn't look like her. It's also one of her yellow pieces... she described the same scene back to me without me having to tell her my version.
For the most part though, Ludo and I made our peace on previous turns of the wheel (at least between the two of us)... so much so that I was compelled to bring Harpy back into our lives again on this turn... and unfortunately, that didn't work out quite so well... at one point (while they were dating and he and I were still sharing the apartment) he did choose me over her and she didn't like that one little bit. And unfortunately whatever the unresolved issues are between her and I, they are going to need to be taken out for a spin again in another life, because they never got solved this time.
It's also interesting that in that "first" life together I stole something from Ludo that he greatly prized and loved... and this time around he did the same thing when he "stole" Lownee away from me (not that she was ever "mine", but he took her out of my life). So maybe we'll have to work that stuff out again later too. Or maybe that hadn't been played out until now, and it was his way of balancing the scales.
And I know how that all sounds... it sounds like I'm a crazy person... this is normally why I don't share it with everyone I know, but just with those people who have a particular metaphysical bent...
But as I said in the "Everything happens for a reason" post... I don't expect other people to believe what I believe, because, to be honest, I only believe it because of the things I've experienced.
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2 comments:
No skeptic here. Strange things have happened to me that I've either not been able to explain, or don't really want to. I never really believed the people who talked about "mystical" healings until I had a guy do one on me. And "Daggerspell" is one of the unread books on my shelf. Maybe I'll have to take it out.
It pretty much goes without saying that I would totally recommend that you read it... the later books in the series aren't too bad, but I don't know that I would bother past the "D----spell" books and into the "A Time of -----" ones unless you really get hooked.
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