space cadet

I'm officially a big freakin space cadet...

After coffee with Marc on Wednesday I said I was going to hang out until after this upcoming week of work, and then send him a message about getting together for some playtime...

But he was on Gaydar tonight, and I figured, what's the harm... I'll just send him a message, ask him if he's interesting in coming to play... coz then at least I'll have some clue after having gotten no clue on Wednesday...

So I did... coz I'm a big lame space cadet... essentially just saying "hi, thanks for coffee, if you wanna come play, that's cool".

And the message I got back from him was almost like it was written in reply to a completely different message than the one I sent... but he mentioned that he was going to the Bears in the Mist night at the sauna tomorrow, if I was interested... and then he seemed to ramble off about some guy he'd been messaging back and forth with... which all pretty much sounded like he was trying to let me know gently that he wasn't interested, but then there was the sauna thing, so I was confused...

This was my reply...

Okay, I'm officially confused... No, I don't think you did tell me anything about the guy you'd been messaging... but I'm guessing that you're interested in pursuing something with him... and while you seem to be happy to hook up with me at the sauna, you don't want to hook up with me in a sexual way outside of that environment... does that about sum it up?

See... me... blunt as a wrecking ball to the forehead...

I've tried subtle in the past... but subtle just doesn't work for me, never has... and blunt, blunt just gets the job done... and there's none of that endless messing about...

Anyway, that message resulted in him calling me (I think just because it was going to be easier to have the conversation "live" than try and play message tag)... and, well... basically my whole brain just came spilling out of my mouth...

Fortunately, a lot of the stuff that was in my brain had already been aired out here in the blog, so large chunks of it were slightly more organised than they would otherwise have been... if I hadn't had that opportunity then I think I could quite easily have sounded like more of a space cadet than I ended up sounding...

But yeah, I told him that I wanted to have "a bunch of sex" with him (almost a direct quote actually... which got a laugh from him, as well as a comment about how much he likes people who are honest), and that if we ended up as friends on top of the "bunch of sex" thing then that was pretty much the best of both worlds as far as I was concerned. And once my brain started pumping words straight out of my mouth, no passing go, no collecting $200... they pretty much all just followed each other in a big messy rush... I said that the fact we hadn't discussed any of this stuff at coffee hadn't helped, and that because it was a very "friend" kind of conversation it didn't help me work out what he wanted... so I didn't know what I wanted...

When I get nervous, I babble... when I get excited, I babble... when I see an opportunity to tell someone something important that I haven't had a chance to discuss with them previously, I babble... this was all of these things... hence... I was a babblin' fool...

Then finally, thank goodness, I ran out of babble...

Now that it was actually his turn to say something, he was quite quick to let me know that he was interested in some playtime, but as he mentioned that second time at the sauna, he liked to make completely sure that the other person could separate their feelings from their sexual organs... and I quite truthfully told him that at this point, that wasn't an issue... what I didn't tell him was that a little like my relationship with J, I'm both attracted to him, and slightly annoyed by him in equal quantities.

To some people I'm sure that wouldn't actually make sense... why would I want to spend time with someone, much less have sex with someone, when they annoy me... well, with J it's useful, because it stops me from getting overly attached to him in a bad way... and I hope the same thing holds true for Marc... that slight annoyance will allow me to separate the sexual and emotional feelings fairly easily I think.

I also told him that I was probably more interested in the whole "friends with benefits" or fuckbuddy thing than going backwards and trying to just be friends, because, once I've crossed that sexual boundary, trying to keep to "just friends" never quite works out for me...

Although, I think I would probably the "friends with benefits" thing rather than the fuckbuddy thing, since the latter is purely sexual, whereas the FWB thing, as Single Guy mentioned in one of his posts, is an entirely different animal (although he calls it "friends with privileges" rather than benefits)...

Friends with privileges are not fuck buddies. There is a friendship and a connection that is not found in no strings fuck buddies. The advantages of friends with privileges is that sex is easy and comfortable, without all the pressures and limitations of a relationship. Also, friends are more accepting than strangers. If you have a strange birthmark or love handles, you will not feel the need to conceal your physical flaws.

I also really like his definition for FWB...

You are my friend, just like all the rest of my friends. I eat pizza with you, watch TV and play video games. The difference is that you have privileges and you can tear off my clothes at any given moment and make crazy sex to me. I will think nothing of it and just go with the flow.

But back to the topic at hand... as I suspected, Marc's being triple cautious at the moment because he's essentially Rebound Guy (having only ended his last relationship late last year) and wants to enjoy the single thing for the time being, which I completely respect.

So, yeah... now that I know where we both stand, I'm going to stick with the original plan, and message him next weekend to see what's what...

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