photo friday: buddha

At the beginning of the month, I mentioned I couldn't get the new template that I'd been working on to look right... well, this was the image that I was using, and rather than "waste" it since I couldn't get the template colours to work, I figured I could make it a Photo Friday post as well as a desktop wallpaper.

Not too bad for something that cost $10 at Cheap As Chips!

Current Mood:

almost...

*sigh*

I woke up at 7 as usual this morning... and discovered it was raining again...

So I thought, great, maybe I can just chuck the idea of my walk this morning and hang out instead...

But now it appears to have stopped raining, and if I don't go for a walk I'm going to feel guilty all day, and then, because it's Friday, probably all weekend...

*sigh*

See you in about an hour...

Current Mood:

random blu hotness

Today's Random Hotness is actually the one I was trying to load the other week but couldn't because Blogger was playing up....

He's Blu Kennedy, redhead and pornstar.... and we should all know by now how much I have a thing for redheads (and occasionally pornstars too). I discovered Blu after Hunter James mentioned him in a post a while back, and as soon as I checked out his pics I knew he had to be a Random Hotness... nothing hotter (to me anyway) than a pale redheaded with freckles (the fact he's hung doesn't hurt any either).

Current Mood:

thoughts on reincarnation

There have been two books that have reinforced or shaped my ideas around reincarnation... one was fiction, Daggerspell by Katharine Kerr, and reinforced the things I already believed and kind of gave me a framework to the whole idea of repeating mistakes and lessons over multiple lives. And the story about how I got that book is another story for another day...

from my post Everything Happens for a Reason

The story about Daggerspell actually comes back to an earlier post, my ramblings about my old gym journals... because it's all kind of interwoven and interlinked back to that.

I did start writing this story a while ago, but I couldn't quite get a handle on how to tell it without it turning into War and Peace... but, after telling Marc a fairly short version of the story on Saturday night, I think I might have a better chance of telling it now...

It all really starts with Ludo... my former housemate (last seen waltzing off into the sunset with Lownee)... he was one of those people that I just clicked with... not right away, but over time... we kind of worked together for a little while at first, then, around the same time that I started the whole gym thing, we started hanging out... and that was when we spent a LOT of time together... and when I lost a hell of a lot of sleep... we would stay up really late talking about anything and everything until the wee small hours, then get up late and start the whole thing over again.

From pretty much the get-go we very much clicked on metaphysical matters... and although I no longer remember the when or the where, I do remember him telling me a story about what he remembered from a past life. Basically, like a lot of stories with Ludo, it was the tale of a woman... but one who he lost. I didn't think a whole lot about it at the time, but I filed it away under interesting and on we went.

Then I introduced him to a girl who was studying at the college I worked for... again, I don't quite know why I did it, but they did seem to click and for a while it all worked out. And then it stopped working...

Around the same time that they were having issues, I was going to the gym at a different time and doing different classes. That was when I met Harpy... I described her in my gym journals as being painfully blonde and perky... if only I'd known the flipside of that was a narcissistic, unbalanced, alcoholic, psychotic bitch.... I probably wouldn't have bothered...

But I didn't know... and she seemed like a really nice woman... I remember reading about her again in my journals, and the way she almost seemed to latch on to me... it was very odd... I remember having had a really awful day and was putting on a brave face at the gym and she just saw right through me, and we hadn't known each other that long at the time either. She was also the one who lent me Daggerspell to read... I think we'd been talking about things metaphysical and she said she had a book I should read.

The basic story in Daggerspell is a fantasy sword & sorcery type tale (and the first in a series), but it concerns a man who loses the woman he loves and vows never to rest until he has put things right. This leads him to essentially living "forever" and encountering the reincarnated versions of his lost love and others in the tale over and over and over again throughout the whole series and watching them periodically self-destruct along the way.

But the thing that really made sense to me was the idea about carrying not only certain personality traits or symbols over from life to life, but more importantly, having the same life lessons played out over and over until you actually learn the RIGHT lesson from them and can move past that issue.

That lesson in my life, however, is a whole post in and of itself...

Getting back to Ludo... by this point his relationship with his girly had pretty much fallen apart, and again, for reasons I don't quite understand or remember I dragged him along to the gym one afternoon to do Harpy's class. It was a noon class I think, and we got there a little bit before, so we hung out in the empty circuit room just warming up and chatting and whatever. And Ludo was fine. Then Harpy walked into the room...

And suddenly he felt completely nauseous... actually, looking back on it, we BOTH should have known then how things would end, but at the time I was just pissed off at him because I was sure he was putting it on. He managed to struggle through the class, but by the time we'd hit the showers and were on our way down in the elevator he was feeling better. So very very weird.

Anyway, cut to a month or so later, and Ludo and I had started sharing a very fabulous apartment in North Adelaide and amongst the various other people who came to see the place was Harpy... and she and Ludo got involved, even though she was still seeing her very tall and very buff boyfriend at the time.

See... my life used to read like a bad Jackie Collins novel....

I don't remember again how all these things got discussed and brought up (it was over 10 years ago, gimme a break), but Ludo's reincarnation story got told again... and to all of our surprise, Harpy was able to add to it...

This is the analogy I used at the time and have used ever since...

Imagine a large irregular shape made out of purple Lego (I know they don't actually make purple Lego bricks... although they might now, because I know they made the Knight Bus from Harry Potter... but ten years ago, no purple Lego)... then imagine pockets of yellow Lego bricks being added in spots... that was what happened after Harpy contributed her portion of the story, or at least the bits she was willing to share. Some of these piece intersected with the existing purple bricks, some where completely independent.

As a brief aside, this is actually the way I've visualised this for the last ten years... I can actually see the Lego in my head when I talk about it... I don't know why... I just can. That's not to say I can't examine bits of the story, I can do that too, but for some reason I see the whole thing this way.

Anyway, one morning while I was in the shower I was puzzling over the Lego brick visual in my head, and I suddenly realised that there were white bricks that weren't there before... now, this isn't a physical construct remember, this is all happening in my head... so I didn't quite know what to make of these white bricks, which hadn't consciously been added... but turning the story over in my mind I realised that there were new parts of the story there, ones that neither Ludo nor Harpy had contributed. There was only one place they could have come from.

Me.

I had the wiggins that day, I can tell you!

I had always been a central part of that story and didn't even know it... as far as any of us have ever been able to work out, the story goes something like this...

There's a man... this man has a brother... the brother is all the things the man isn't... he's accepted, popular, has a place in their society, whole nine yards... the man resents his brother for this... their relationship is strained at best... enter the woman... she's of high status, and as such the man isn't worthy of her due to the "rules" of their society, but the brother is... but she falls in love with the man and rejects the brother... the man and woman plan to run away together and make a new life elsewhere... the brother gets wind of this, delays the brother and goes off to meet the woman instead... when she rejects him again, in a fit of rage he kills her, drowns her in a river, because he would rather see her dead than let his brother have her... the man gets there too late and finds her body... he confronts his brother, challenges him and they fight... during the fight, either by trickery, by accident or through superious skill the man is killed by his brother...

After that it all gets a little hazy...

Ludo was the man, Harpy was the woman and I was the brother.

Yup... I pushed Harpy in the river and drowned her. Or, at least, the Me I was then pushed the her Harpy was then in the river... that still makes sense right?

That was actually one of those white pieces... not the actual drowning, but I can see her standing by the river looking at me... and it's surreal, because it's Harpy, but it doesn't look like her. It's also one of her yellow pieces... she described the same scene back to me without me having to tell her my version.

For the most part though, Ludo and I made our peace on previous turns of the wheel (at least between the two of us)... so much so that I was compelled to bring Harpy back into our lives again on this turn... and unfortunately, that didn't work out quite so well... at one point (while they were dating and he and I were still sharing the apartment) he did choose me over her and she didn't like that one little bit. And unfortunately whatever the unresolved issues are between her and I, they are going to need to be taken out for a spin again in another life, because they never got solved this time.

It's also interesting that in that "first" life together I stole something from Ludo that he greatly prized and loved... and this time around he did the same thing when he "stole" Lownee away from me (not that she was ever "mine", but he took her out of my life). So maybe we'll have to work that stuff out again later too. Or maybe that hadn't been played out until now, and it was his way of balancing the scales.

And I know how that all sounds... it sounds like I'm a crazy person... this is normally why I don't share it with everyone I know, but just with those people who have a particular metaphysical bent...

But as I said in the "Everything happens for a reason" post... I don't expect other people to believe what I believe, because, to be honest, I only believe it because of the things I've experienced.

Current Mood:

movies: v for vendetta

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that tonight's movie, V for Vendetta, is not only brilliant, but it's one movie that EVERY gay man and lesbian should see.

The movie starts out fluffy enough... it has all the prerequisites for a romping good "Imperfect Future" movie (it was about a hundred times better at it than Aeon Flux's rather weak effort)... and shares a lot of territory with The Matrix (not surprisingly, since it's written by Andy and Larry Wachowski)... the world isn't right, here's the damsel in distress, here's the flawed anti-hero... rollicking good time ensues...

Then, somewhere along the way it becomes so very much more...

In between being a mystery and thriller and a popcorn movie, it starts making you think. The scenario it describes could happened, has happened, is happening... governments using people's fear of "The Other" to gain power and to remain that way, taking away people's freedoms one at a time so they don't notice it happening... you only have to look at the elections in America, the UK and Australia in the wake of "The War on Terror" to see that... all the existing governments were re-elected to power despite the fact that they had all lied to their respective people about the "rightness" of the war... and one of the movie's tag lines rings scarily true... "People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people."

But where it really hit home for me was the sequence where Natalie Portman's character Evey reads the letter written by the lesbian, Valerie... that just resonated with me so much... bits of it made me think of Eddy and his parental trauma... other bits just connected with me really strongly. I really wish I could find some copy of the words online somewhere... it's definitely the first thing I will have to do when I get the DVD... skip to that sequence and copy down the dialogue.

And who knew Natalie Portman could act the crap out of something like this... she was amazing, and to be honest, I got completely sucked in by her British accent, so much so that I kept having the discussion in my head "She's American though right... well, maybe not, maybe she's actually British and has been turning the American accent on"... turns out (according to IMDB Trivia) she used the same "dialectologist" (is that actually a word?) as Gwyneth Paltrow... Barbara Berkery... remind me if I ever make a movie with people needing a British accent, to hire her!

It was also really amazing to look at her (Natalie) with her long beautiful curls and think how gorgeous she looked, then have her head shaved and think she looked even MORE gorgeous.

Hugo Weaving was similarly amazing... he got such a range of acting and emotion out of his character, and the most you ever see of the character under all the layers is his hands. Plus he actually managed to get emotion out of V's very distinctive mask... not an easy job when it's shaped into a smile for the whole movie.

It was also fun to see the whole host of British actors pop up in supporting roles... Stephen Rea, Stephen Fry, Rupert Graves and the gravely voiced John Hurt.

And the final sequences in the streets of London, culminating at Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament were absolutely amazing... I had this huge dopeyass grin on my face the whole time. Do yourself a favour and just go and see it!

Simply brilliant!

yani's rating: 4 masked assassins out of 5

ongoing mental trauma

Urgh... I feel like crap right now...

Partly because I think I'm coming down with something (and from the feel of my throat at the moment, I think it's my semi-annual bout of what may or may not be tonsillitis, but certain involves things in my throat doing strange things... I'm hoping it's not a random throat infection I picked up at the sauna... icky)... and partly because, rather than being all Zen about the lack of relationships in my life like I was last year, I'm doing the major league freakout thing because I do have all these potential relationships of one form or another happening but they're all pretty much up in the air...

*sigh*

I think I'm mostly freaking out because I've opened myself up again, so it could very easily lead to me getting hurt if the people I'm opening myself up to don't return the feelings (compounded by the fact that there are just so many of them right now)... and now that I AM open again, I find myself opening myself up to more and more people... which just increases that potential for hurt.

The thing that's preying on my mind most right now is the conversation I had with Phoenix on Sunday... and the whole idea that he couldn't give me an answer one way or the other about whether he was interested in being "snugglebuddies" just because there was supposedly stuff brewing with his best friend... but then he wouldn't tell me what the stuff was, so I couldn't tell him just how much he was living in a fantasy land (especially since he did tell me that this information hadn't come from his friend, but from something his friend told his mother who then told Phoenix... I mean, c'mon)... because if he does have these feelings for his friend (who has rejected him on more than one occasion), and it isn't all just a smokescreen because he's trying to back away from me, then I'm still having some issues with the comment.

Correct me if I'm wrong... but his relationship or lack of same with his best friend shouldn't stop him from knowing what he feels about me, right? I mean they are two completely different things... I can quite happily separate my feelings about Phoenix and my feelings about Marc and my feelings about, oh, I dunno... Slick Willy (not that I HAVE feelings about Slick Willy... well, not ones involving my BRAIN anyway)... and each of them is dependent on how I feel about that particular person, not how I feel about the others...

Or is that just me and my screwed up way of looking at the world?

Is he just really hedging his bets because he thinks that either something WILL happen with his friend and then he won't have to deal with whether he's interested in me or not... or like I said before, he's using this as an excuse to pull away, and no matter what happens with his friend, he's already decided he doesn't want to go there again with me.

On top of that he hasn't been online at all since Sunday night... now, last week, when everything was supposedly interesting and on the go, he was catching me in the mornings to say hello... but now... nothing... so I'm guessing that tells me something.

Is it too much to ask for guys just to be HONEST... so what if you don't want to get naked and groinal a second time with me (or even a first for that matter)... at least be a man, have some cajones and just say "Look dude, I think you're nice, but I'm just not interested"... I'm a big boy, I can take it... I would rather you just said "Sorry, no" than let me hang on for weeks and weeks by my fingernails either thinking it could be a yes, or just not knowing. "No" I can deal with... I'll delete you all my appropriate messaging systems, block you on all appropriate websites or whatever, remove your number from my phone, wander about my (very tiny) house muttering random curses upon your name for five minutes, eat something fattening, and I'm done. It's so much better than the ongoing mental trauma of ignorance.

Having said that, I have been guilty of the same behaviour in the past... but I am getting better at it... mostly because I seem to have two distinct types of guys that I end up in that situation with... the ones who like me more than I like them, and the ones I like more than they like me...

*sigh*

See... this is why I don't date...

Current Mood:

montage monday: evening in north adelaide

Yes, not surprisingly today's Monday Montage comes from last Tuesday's Camera Club shoot... it seems to have ended up as a study in white, black, blue and brown for the most part... which is kind of interesting I guess.

Having seen Daylight Savings roll in on Sunday morning, I was looking forward to snagging my extra hour of sleep this morning... I know technically the extra hour comes in on Sunday morning, but like a lot of people I never feel that hour until Monday when I have to get up at a specific time... and I would have really enjoyed it too, if it hadn't been for the fact that I'd forgotten to take my mobile phone clock back an hour and set it's alarm for 7am... so I woke up at 6am, reset the clock, reset the alarm and went back to sleep. It did feel weird getting up when it was already light though...

And yet again in Saturday's paper, next to the "Wind your clocks back, this is how all the timezones in Australia will look" graphic was the argument about bringing South Australian time in line with the Eastern States (Melbourne and Sydney mostly)... every year for the last three or four years they trott out the same argument twice a year at Daylight Savings Time, and then, for the rest of the year you don't hear anything about it. Personally I think it's a stupid idea, but you would think, if people were that committed to the concept they would make noise all year round. It's probably just The Advertiser beating up the same story over and over again... fills up space. Thus is the life of a One Paper Town...

It was also odd walking through the remains of the O'Connell Street Food and Wine Affair in Wellington Square this morning... especially since that square is normally so empty... to have all the workmen dismantling tents and stacking chairs and just having the remains of the event spread around the place.

I finally heard from Phoenix... I hadn't spoken to him since his visit on Wednesday, but I sent him a text message on Friday afternoon asking if he want to come over and spend the night snuggling... and I didn't hear from him Friday, or Saturday or until late on Sunday... it was a whole world of "Ignore me once, shame on you... Ignore me for three days, shame on me"... so I have to admit, when he messaged me I was a little short with him... he said he hadn't seen the message and had been sick... m'eh... maybe it's true, maybe it's not. I basically laid my cards on the table though, and said pretty much the same things to him that I said in my post on Wednesday... and he agreed that he's totally not ready to date anyone until he gets this stuff with his best friend sorted out (he so needs to move on and get over it, but I've been there and done that, and it's easier said than done)... but he didn't sound particularly adverse to my suggestion that we stay snugglebuddies (so sue me... he's nice to snuggle with, I just don't want to date him)... but actions speak louder than words, so we'll see what happens. In my own wonderfully paranoid way, I'm wondering if the whole best friend thing is a smokescreen because he's actually not that interested... say it with me now people... "He's Just Not That Into You"...

Current Mood:

archangel

Gabriel. You're most like the ArchAngel of Communication, in charge of things like telephones, libraries, internet, and the 411 phone menu. You're organised and are not shy about inflicting that organisation on others.

Which ArchAngel are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah... like this is any kind of surprise... especially after recent events...

Current Mood:

saturday's second sauna safari

Technically it's 1:32am on Sunday right now, just before the clocks go back an hour, but since most of this really happened on Saturday night, I'm backdating the whole thing... so there...

I will say this also... THE UNIVERSE IS FUCKING WITH ME!

I probably should give the whole TMI post warning again... but... m'eh... it's too late and I'm too tired and those of you who read the last one of these will read this one whatever I say... so I say... m'eh!

I went to the sauna again tonight... no, it's not becoming a habit... I went there with a single main objective (plus the previously mentioned additional perks)... to find Marc... yeah, I know... I'm a big lamo... we all know this, lets move on.

I took off just after it got dark, 7:30 or so, and when I got there I did the wander thing while wondering if Marc would actually show up or not (I know he said Saturday nights were his "usual" night... but who knew if that meant this Saturday)... I'm not going to do the blow by blow (pun completely at your own discretion) description of my adventures, but I'll just touch on the high and lowlights...

Firstly, they were all out of appropriately sized towels when I got there (I'm big boned, shut up)... but the ever so helpful boy behind the desk (Mickey or Mikey... I think) said he would find me a larger one if and when he could (when he'd done the washing essentially)... and he was as good as his word, and even brought it out to me while I was in the pool... so that's kind of a booo and a yaaaaay all rolled into one I guess...

There was a guy I ended up playing with in the steamroom who I swear on an appropriate stack of holy objects had to be a trained masseuse... He gave me a neckrub a couple of times ( he totally knew what he was doing, plus there were a couple of other little things he did that made me think "masseuse"), and pretty much all I could do was moan appreciatively... and although it's not like that kind of moan never happens in there, it just doesn't usually happen for that reason.

I've developed a new "coping technique" for when the pretty or buff or whatever guys do a lap of the steamroom before making for the exit again... but I found it works in other places and at other times around the place too... instead of looking away, I'm just looking them straight in the eye... not in a "hey, how about it" kind of way, more in a "yes, this is me... and?" kind of way.

I got a little bit, shall we say, out of my depth in the orgy room upstairs... the upshot of which was that I ended up trapped between two fuckees and their respective (multiple) fuckers (and gropers... of which I was one originally), had my towel stolen (I swear, I put the damn thing down for like 2 seconds, and when I came back to it it was gone... and I was never more than a metre away from it at any time... however it was totally pitch black in there) and ended up having to climb up and over the large "bed" in the middle of the room to get away... and then tromp down the stairs bucknaked and ask for a new towel... and fortunately Mickey/Mikey had another one on hand... it was highly overdramatic...

Then there were two guys towards the end of my visit who looked like they'd just stepped of the cover of a "Barely Legal Twink" porno cover... actually, one of them had a scary similarity to Brent Corrigan (possibly more defined though... sorry Brent, but this boy put the FINE in defined)... with the dark floppy hair and all... only he was running around in speedos.... speedos... at a sauna... I mean, c'mon... either he has a serious fetish, he's hung like a randy chipmunk, or he just wants to tease everyone... I'm going with the third option... *mutter mutter*

I also watched what I would probably regard as one of the strangest scenes ever in a mainsteam porno... well, if we're counting Bel Ami as mainstream... which it pretty much is... it's just Euromainstream... Dano Sulik humping and licking the handrail leading out of the pool in Sauna Paradiso... so incredibly strange... and not even particularly sexy... although that could just have been my mood at the time...

And yes... Marc did show up... I was finishing up playing with someone in the steamroom and had my back to the room the entire time, but when I turned around, there he was...

As much as I just wanted to knock him on the head and drag him upstairs to have my wicked way with him, I pretty much kept my cool... I gave him a big hug from behind (after I'd said hello) and said that I was hoping to see him, and then had a moment of geekdom and said "Actually it's the only reason I'm here"... and he just replied "I know"... which threw me for a second, but later on it made more sense. He'd only just gotten there and wanted to warm up, but I'd been in the steamroom a while and I think I was on the verge of having my brain turn to liquid and run out of my ears, so I pulled the "find me when you're ready" trick again like I did last week... which, I will admit, because I didn't have quite as much to distract myself with tonight, gave me slightly more mental trauma than it did last time.

We did keep running into each other in various spots though... which was weird, because last time I didn't see him between the first time we hooked up and the second time... well, except for once, very briefly... And I was having a head full of "he isn't coming to find me, why isn't he coming to find me... why would he tell me WHEN to find him when I saw him on Sunday, and then not want to come and play tonight... does he just come here so he can hook up with as many different guys as possible, and never goes back for seconds... should I have just saved my $18.50 for something useful and stayed home?" and other such braintwisting thoughts... so, when I did finally run into him again in the steamroom I don't know if it was the heat or the mental trauma or what it was, but certain parts of my anatomy refused to play, well, ball isn't the right word... but you know what I mean... Fortunately there were three of us involved, so it wasn't as much of a disaster as it could have been.

After the third guy disappeared, I asked him again if he wanted to go upstairs with me and he refused... again... well, even in the dark either my body language or the expression on my face must have said something to him, because he told me that he suffers from claustrophobia and never goes in the rooms upstairs... that kinda dinged my bullcrap detector, but only as a little ding, so I let it go (when he mentioned later that he just came out of a relationship and he was a little wary of going into the rooms with anyone, that rang truer... but maybe it's a little of both, who knows)....

It was around that point that I ended up leaning over him (since he was sitting) and we had a fairly lengthy conversation for the steamroom... I asked him what my chances were of seeing him outside of "here" (meaning the sauna), and he asked if I was asking him on a date, since he'd just come out of a relationship (the room thing came up later)... and I said no, that I was basically talking about doing what we were doing (ie the sex thing... not that we were actually doing it at that precise moment) somewhere that didn't cost me $18.50 to get in and that wasn't quite so hot... he asked me if I could separate my feelings from my other bits (only he worded it much better at the time, I just can't remember what he exactly said), and I told him I could (not completely true, but not completely a lie either... I mean I watched him in the steamroom having sex with people other than me where I wasn't involved... yes, I wanted to be involved, but I didn't lose my mind over it) and then I said, look, how about I give you my number, then the ball is completely in your court, you can call me, or not, up to you... he was okay with that and said that he wasn't going to leave for a while, but would catch up with me before he did to get my number. I was happy with that, so I left it at that.

God... I just realised I stink of chlorine AGAIN... and I'm going to get into clean sheets smelling like this... I might need a quick shower later...

Anyway... where was I... oh yeah... I wandered about for a bit... had the orgy room incident I mentioned above, and ended up taking a "time out" for a little while, watching the bad porno scene and just kind of sitting and chilling for a while. Oh, and somewhere in there, we ran into each other out near the front entrance and I got my first real good look at him in better light... he's cute, but possibly not as cute as I originally thought... he's skinny, but not as skinny as I previously thought either... but he's still cute and skinny... and he has the BLUEST eyes... okay, originally I thought they could have been green... but the lighting where we were was kind of yellowy... but his eyes are almost startlingly blue (given that I've essentially only seen them in red lit steam haze up until that point and couldn't have told you what colour they were if my life depended on it)... and I asked him how old he was... and he did the thing that I just hate... asked me how old I thought he was... now usually I suck at this game, but having seen him in proper light I took a stab and said 27... he said close, so I said it was between 25 and 29 definitely... turns out he's 26... so my prediction last week about him being in his mid or late 20's was pretty much spot on.

Anyway, after all the "time out", I eventually made it back down to the steamroom again, and Marc was in the corner, but I didn't realise it at the time, and there ended up being a guy sitting on the top row of the steps... bleacher... seats... I know there should be a word for the built in thingies that go all around the room, but it's after 2am now, and my brain isn't working so good... sorry... where was I... oh yeah... there was a guy sitting between us... plus there was an interesting show going on to the right of me, so I watched that for a bit... and then Marc ended up playing with someone else... then the guy sitting between us got up and left... so I moved closer and just watched... okay... watched with the occasional assistance of my hands (yeah... just my hands... I'm pretty sure)... to make a long story short (and, yes, I'm aware it's a bit late for that), I watched someone else get him off (although technically he got himself off I suppose) before I went for a dip in the pool and he (and I think his playmate/s) hit the showers...

By this point I was thinking that I was kind of over the whole sauna experience, so when I got out of the pool and grabbed my towel from the entrance to the steamroom, I just took my time and kind of hung out there, knowing that Marc would have to come back to get his towel, so I could say, look, I'm done, lemme give you my number and them I'm Audi... but because he took longer than I expected and I was basically in the way for people going into the steamroom, I ended up sitting just outside the doorway, and he came over and toweled off and we started chatting... he was being somewhere between cocky (again, pun at reader's discretion) and mysterious... a little like the "I know" comment earlier (and after I'd found out his age, I told him I was 32, and he just said "I know" again... but he was possibly just messing with me that time)... but he stopped himself at one point, and did a mental backflip and said something about not usually sounding so much like he's up himself... and he came and sat down next to me.

He asked me again what my star sign was, and I told him... again... and this time he said he thought I might have been a Taurus, but I wasn't stubborn enough... to which I replied "You've only seen me here", which got a chuckle. Anyway, for reasons best known to those parts of the Universe in charge of these things, I geeked out a little again, and told him that I didn't think I had any Taurus in my chart, and shared what I did remember about my star chart (Moon in Sagittarius, couple of things other than my Sun in Pisces, that kind of thing), and we were just off and running... my torment of J's ex got a mention, although I don't remember why exactly... then he said he wanted to go and have a smoke (yeah, I know, big point off from his overall score) and did I want to come with... naturally I said yes and we went back to the locker room so he could get a cancerstick, so I gave him one of my photography business cards (although my photography isn't technically a business... but...) while we were in there, and he put my number in his phone, which is a good start.

I'd kind of twigged to it while we were chatting inside, but when we were outside I realised that the Universe was essentially fucking with me... again...

Marc is... well, call it what you will... psychic... talented... special... aware... whatever... but once again either the Universe has called him into my life FOR me because I'm ready to take whatever that next step is in my journey... or else I asked the Universe for, if not him, then SOMETHING... and it steered me to the sauna last Sunday (well, the Universe and my gonads)...

He reminds me a little of Ludo... Lownee's other half and my former best friend and housemate... in fact, there were a couple of things that he said that really set off the Ludo vibe in my head... but the good Ludo... the Ludo that I originally met... not the later jealous, stupid, childish, selfish Ludo...

After he had his cancerstick, we ended up going back inside and sitting on the couches in the teevee room and talking for at least an hour... I told him the "Everything happens for a reason" story... and I actually told him the two stories that precede it (although not in order)... the ones I haven't been able to put into words (on "paper") well enough to blog about... YET... although I think, having explained them to him without going into a metric ton of backstory I might have a better chance at blogging them in the not too distant future.

He told me a bunch of stuff too... from the sounds of things, he has to either be on the same path, but a little ahead of me, or he might be on a completely different path, but in the same specific neighbourhood... I can't work out whether he's supposed to teach me some stuff or I'm supposed to Mentor him... maybe it's like with J... equal parts of both... but he seems to come into people's lives at the point after I leave... I start them on a spiritual journey, he opens them up to it further and helps them find their path...

Or it could just be that it's just before 3am, and I'm overtired... okay, technically it's just before 2am... because Daylight Savings will kick in in mere minutes, so I should get an extra hour of sleep... although how does that work if you're awake when the clocks go back?

Anyway, after our chat, we both called it a night, went and got changed and left together (after I went and stole a couple of condoms from outside the steamroom since I don't have any in the house)... but he now has my number, and said he will call me... time will tell... but I think it's kind of likely...

Oh, that's so weird... I just noticed that my computer clock sync'ed itself up when 3am rolled around and flicked back an hour... I wasn't sure if it was actually going to do it live or not...

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no april foolin...

Normally, because today is the first of the month I would have a new template to wow you all with...

But no April Foolin... this month, I got nothin...

Partly it's because I can't get the design to work with the image I wanted to use... nothing I've tried looks right, although I actually like the photo... *sulk*... and partly it's because I really like this pink and grey template I have going on at the moment...

Well, except for the links in this main section... so I've changed those a bit, and we'll see how it goes.

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