i'm a melancholy baby

melancholy babyI don't know what's up with me today... I should be pleased, but I'm kind of not...

The other two contractors and I had our meeting with the Big Boss today... and what should be the good new is the fact that we're definitely sticking around until the end of January, and if BB has done her sums right, we should be around until April.

Then depending on what happens in April, we could be around until June... and then it's budget time again and all bets are off.

This should be good news. Honestly, I'm really not feeling it. Even when Sugarmonkey said that it wouldn't be the same without me around or words to that effect... it was nice, but I didn't bounce back into the office and announce that I'm not going anywhere... I slunk back in and didn't bring up the topic until somebody asked me about it.

Part of me wonders if the weather is influencing my mood... it's been warm and sticky (and not in the good way) in the office all day, and I ended up with a headache this afternoon, but I think that was more "too much sugar" rather than weather related.

But as I'm sitting here thinking about it, I have a feeling that the reason I'm feeling kind of melancholy about the whole thing is that it's a very strong reminder of my status as "other" in The Nut House. It was like when I was reminded recently that my contract actually expired at Christmas. I kinda lost a bunch of motivation for work, for my morning walk, just for generally giving a shit.

In a lot of ways, while I would have been sad about leaving at Christmas, I'd kinda made my peace with it and a part of me was looking forward to just staying home and doing nothing for a while. And just being away from all the random stupidity...

So hopefully I just need to reorientate my thinking again... I think I'll start by going into work tomorrow and putting my leave dates for Christmas on The Big Board of Stuff... and maybe I need to think about taking a day off sooner rather than later...

Or maybe I just need to stock up on endorphins again...

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