Friday, March 16, 2007
Have you had someone say something to you that was so ridiculous that you just wanted to laugh in their face?
Luckily when it happened I was talking to the guy online, so I could sit here and roll my eyes and shake my head as much as I wanted...
I was chatting to Slick Willy on Gaydar yesterday, since I've been pretty much ignoring him for the last several weeks, but since he was being nice and wishing me Happy Birthday I thought I would cut him some slack and say hello back.
It sounds mean that I've been ignoring him, but he never seems to get pissed off about it, or ask me why I've been ignoring him, or stop messaging me, so he can't care that much... or else he might just be afraid of pissing me off because if he does then he really won't get what he wants from me.
Like I've said before my "relationship" with Slick Willy is completely a sexual one (and I realised that it's been going on for just over a year, since we started hooking up regularly just before my birthday last year), but since I'm the one who's actually performing the sexual act on him, I guess that actually gives me all of the power. Which would be fine... except that it's only ever the sexual act on it's own... and that's fine for a sometimes food, but not as my entire diet (it's like the new Cookie Monster I guess). And if I'm honest with myself, I know that it's hitting any of the marks that it should be (physically or emotionally) according to this year's Wish List.
So because I know that every single time I speak to him online he's going to ask if I "want some", I just stopped replying to his messages. I started off just saying no all the time, but the ignoring thing was just easier. But I don't want to burn that bridge completely... because, well, you know... every once in a while, you don't mind a "cookie" (okay, I maybe stretched the Cookie Monster analogy a little far).
That's pretty much all it ever is though... "Cookies"... okay, that was officially too far... it's only ever sex... sure he tells me stuff now and again, but I don't always pay very much attention, and I hardly ever tell him anything. I wouldn't even class it as a "fuckbuddy" relationship, because, well, we're not really even buddies. It's just sex. And that's fine, because I don't want it to be anything more than that.
But like I said, I was chatting with him yesterday, and, to be honest, I was doing other things and only half paying attention to the conversation because a) he was taking his own sweet time to reply too, and b) I already knew he was going to ask at some point and that I was going to turn him down.
So we were chatting back and forth a little, and he asked, I turned him down... and then he asked if I was okay (actually I think he first asked if I was "off sex", only he didn't word it quite so delicately) and when I said I was fine, he commented that I "didn't sound like myself"...
Which was where I would have laughed in his face.
I was actually tempted to reply "And how would you know?". I know what he was trying to say, but it was just the way it came out that made me roll my eyes.
But I did think about it for a while afterwards... not about him specifically, but just on that whole concept of how much of yourself you do or don't give away to the people that you have sex with, casual or otherwise. I'm sure somewhere in there is the idea that "sex between two people is special and forms a bond, blah blah blah"... which I've never believed... sex is sex... it is what it is, and everything else is just thousands of years of social conditioning.
However that's a whole other rant entirely... and not one that I really want to get into.