It also wasn't helped by the fact that the results of the job applications/interviews were announced today.
The interviews were on Tuesday and I was pretty damn confident when I finished. And I didn't prepare in the slightest... well, other than thinking about the greatest strength/weakness question, which is always horrible. But it was good because we got to see the interview questions ten minutes before the interview and make notes, so when I got in there I just said everything I needed to say.
But then this afternoon they started off by obliquiely telling us they were going to tell us before we left for the day today... nothing like knowing information is incoming to ramp up the heart-rate.
Although, if I'm being honest, I wasn't stressing very much... a little maybe, but I think it was more about everybody else being nervous and making me a little twitchy than any specific twitchiness on my part.
And I'd already run through both the positive and negative options in my head (worked out what I was going to buy if it was a yes and how exactly I was going to storm out if it was a no), so I didn't really care what the answer was, I just wanted to know the answer.
However there was a third option available to the interview panel given that there were less positions than there were supposed to be (don't even ask, it's a totally fucked situation that once again reinforces the fact that our area isn't valued throughout the whole organisation)... and that was to recommend us for an additional position if one becomes available.
It's the worst of the three options, it's essentially limbo. And it was the option that I'd thought the least about.
It's also where I ended up.
And I'm kind of angrier (angry or hurt... I'm not completely sure which, but it's coming out as angry, so let's go with that) about it than I thought I would be. If I'm being completely honest, I actually assumed I was going to get one of the available positions. I have the seniority, I'm covering a lot of the core work for the Nut House team rather than being part of the wider team where the people who got the positions are (so part of me wants to just walk away and leave them to fend for themselves... although that's mostly the part of me that's hurt/angry).
But the thing that annoyed me more than not getting it was the air of secrecy around who did and who didn't have it and "don't discuss it this afternoon" and blah, blah, blah, blah. None of us are wilting violets, all we really want is the whole story so that we can process it and move on.
That's all I ever want. I don't care what the fuck the story is, be it good, bad or indifferent, just give it all to me and then let me process at my own speed.
So once I walked out of the building I contacted two of the other interviewees/members of Nut House to tell them I didn't get it.
Anyway, I'm not really in any different a position than I was before this whole process started... so whatever.
Moving on...
I'm still at the tail end of my cold/general lurgy... I spent a number of days, including the day of the interview, with a very, very deep voice. Actually that happens pretty much every time I get sick like this and it's the one thing that I'd like to retain when I'm well, because it's all deep and interesting and I kinda like it. Alas it never works out that way.
Without being too specific or gross, I could do without all the phlegm... it's not a nice word, it's not a nice feeling and it's really pretty much the last of the major part of my lurgy.
At present I'm just over it... I just want to feel like a fully functional person again.
I also managed to find a rental property that is literally down the street (although it's also on the other side of another street, but it's still the same street) from me that has an open inspection on Saturday morning, so I'll have to make sure that we can slot that into whatever else we end up doing tomorrow.
It's perhaps not the best laid out apartment ever, but it's larger, has both a front and a back courtyard and looks really light and open and airy. It is more expensive than I was perhaps thinking, but everything is going to seem expensive next to what I'm currently paying and for that location, I'd pay a little more.
Last night I headed off to Espionage to pick up my piece from Cameron's show and to have a look at the new exhibition. I did end up picking out a piece from the new show, what can I say, it's a tiger... and I like tigers. But I think it's definitely have to go to the framing shop to get redone, I hate the matt colour and the white frame doesn't really suit it.
Speaking of Cameron and tigers, the artwork for my Cameron tattoo is now underway... I just need to wait for the first set of sketches. Very exciting.
Oh, and I love my onesie so very, very, very much. It's pretty much like wearing a hoodie and track pants, but nothing rides up or lets cold air in or digs in... I like it a lot.
So I'm a big mixed bag of feelings at present really...
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