Saturday, February 24, 2007
I am frustrated.
I'm frustrated by just about everything right now.
I'm frustrated by my large number of ethnic neighbours with their noisy and annoying children.
I'm frustrated because they're a totally inconsiderate bunch of people and all I want is peace and quiet again and a group of neighbours who don't know each other and hardly even say hello when they pass in the courtyard.
I'm frustrated because a small fridge suddenly appeared outside my apartment this morning, left there, I'm sure, by the annoying neighbours, and I'll have to be the one who shifts the damn thing.
I'm frustrated that I can't complain to the landlord about the noise or the reappearing and disappearing furniture or the children, since he's the one that put them in here in the first place and I know that he's making more money off a family of four people in a one bedroom apartment than he is off me.
I'm frustrated at my landlord for not only renting to the aforementioned neighbours, but also because when I went to pay my rent this afternoon, he'd made off with the rental book they write the payment in.
I'm frustrated because the usual guy wasn't over there, it was some random dude who didn't really know what was going on, and hence I couldn't pay my rent.
I'm frustrated because I would just prefer to move, but not only can I not afford it, but it sounds like the rental market has gotten a hell of a lot worse since the last time I dipped my toe in and I didn't have any luck that time anyway.
I'm frustrated by both of the employment agencies that I'm on the books with because neither of them is finding me work.
I'm frustrated with one of them because when I went to see her she said that she could find me something very soon, no problem, and that was over a year ago, and the other one because I've made them a ton of money by finding my own assignments more or less, and they're still not getting off their butts to help me.
I'm frustrated because there never seems to be any suitable jobs I could apply for in the paper.
I'm frustrated because if one of the agencies would just offer me something, I could very easily turn a two day assignment into twelve months, I've done it on at least two other occasions, and in the right place I could do it again.
I'm frustrated because I feel like I've niched myself into a very small corner and I don't want to go back to the bottom of the ladder and find another way up.
I'm frustrated by the potential job offer I thought I had a while ago turned out to be like a lot of my other online relationships, as soon as I seemed to show what I felt was the right amount of interest, the guy vanished and never bothered speaking to me again.
I'm frustrated because I'm completely and totally flat broke.
I'm frustrated because I can't afford to do the things I want to do, buy the things I want to buy, go the places I want to go or treat and spoil other people.
I'm frustrated because if I do something that would ease the money problem a little, then it opens up a whole new can of worms, and I don't want to go there.
I'm frustrated because I'm probably going to have to go there.
I'm frustrated because I have no social life.
I'm frustrated because I have no love life.
I'm frustrated because I have no sex life... at least not one that actually meets my needs.
I'm frustrated because I said yes to an upcoming social event that I'm not sure I really want to go to.
I'm frustrated that the vast majority of the people who either keep coming back into my life or just generally stick around are the ones I would be happy to have disappear, and the ones who I would like to stick around are the ones that vanish.
I'm frustrated because it seems like things just appear for other people without any effort, and my life seems to have atrophied since I turned 30.
I'm frustrated because I don't have the things that I want.
I'm frustrated because I'm becoming too comfortable with where I am, and it's not a good place.
I'm frustrated because I'm not sure this whole rant really helped.
I'm just frustrated.