movies: wish

I feel like I owe Strange World an apology. Because, in that review, I said that it wasn't a real movie.

That was before I watched Wish.

Wish is not a movie.

Wish is what happens when a multinational conglomerate strip-mines nostalgia in order to make a profit. 

Wish is what happens when you give an AI references to previous Disney movies and ask it to write a script. 

Wish is what happens when you utterly fail at a thing.

Wish is ugly, badly written, lifeless, has instantly forgettable songs, no charm or character and is a ham-fisted collection of references to the 100 years of Disney history.

Let's just back up there a second. Yes, I'm describing a Disney movie as UGLY. Because normally even when a movie is terrible or just, you know... m'eh, I at least can say that it looks lovely. Wish is horrible to look at.

Wish is also trying so fucking hard to steal Sleeping Beauty's lunch money that it's embarrassing. I mean, it's literally stealing from everyone, but, visually, it's stealing so much from Sleeping Beauty and just getting it wrong consistently.

Honestly, I could have gotten behind Wish with all the references and nostalgia if they were well done or if the story and songs had been good. They're not. The references are clunky, stupid and desperately out of place, the story makes no sense, and the songs are... nothing. They're empty air, instantly forgettable and painful to listen to.

Nothing about this movie is good. 

Even the villain is ridiculous and so deeply just an uncanny valley version of Chris Pine that I was instantly repulsed every time he was on screen. 

I could rant about this movie for a long time, but, to be honest, it's not worth my time or yours. It either marks the point at which Disney Animation literally jumped the shark and began it's slow but inevitable decline into pumping out trash or will be quickly swept under the rug and never spoken about again.

Everybody involved in this movie should be ashamed of themselves. This is an embarrassment to 100 years of Disney history. Do better.

So yes, this is the second Disney movie in a row to get no score out of 5, because this isn't an actual movie.

yani's rating: [vomit emoji] references to better films out of 5