Have I mentioned how much I love Tom Holland? He's a delightful, cinnamon roll of a human... and I adore him. He's a mess and I love him for it.
So, it's slightly disappointing that Spider-Man: No Way Home is the first of his Spider-Man movies that I've had an opportunity to review anywhere near the time it came out.
I left a very brief review of the first two in my New Years 2021 post, but I'd call that more of a passing mention than an actual review.
Know, though, that my love for Tom Holland and his portrayal of Spider-Man is deep and abiding. See also, my love for his butt in that spider-suit. And a shout-out to however made the decision to put him in his boxer shorts once again in this movie... for an extended period of time.
No Way Home feels like a natural end, as well as a beginning. It sits perfectly as the end of the "Home" trilogy (Homecoming and Far From Home), and by the end, Peter Parker is out of high school and in the world.
And it could equally be the end of Holland's run as our friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man or it could be the start of a new series of movies for him. Both scenarios work equally well. Don't get me wrong, I would very much like for him to continue in the role, but if you were going to stop, this would be the time to do it.
Before we get into too much spoiler territory (although, really, does anyone not know at least the major plot reveal in this movie at this point?), the fact that they were able to get all of the people in this movie IN this movie is testament to both the stupidly deep pockets that Marvel/Disney have and, seemingly, the amount of goodwill they've generated in the MCU in order to entice people back to be in this movie.
Which is impressive.
Also, the second half of this movie is... amazing. It's everything that was good and fun and heartfelt about the entire Spider-Franchise, going all the way back to 2002 and the original Tobey Maguire movie. I'll get into that in a second though.
I just need to say first up that if the second half of the movie wasn't as strong as it is, I could easily throw this whole movie on the "urgh, they fucked it all up" pile... you know, like the third Tobey Maguire movie and the second Andrew Garfield movie.
Because I hate a lot of the first half of this movie. For very specific reasons. I honestly didn't need the very shouty J. Jonah Jameson in this iteration of Spider-Man. I barely cared about him in the Maguire version. And when he popped up at the end of Far From Home, I think I rolled my eyes so hard that I saw my own brain.
Also, how does anyone actually believe anything that Mysterio said in the last movie? Why hasn't he been completely discredited as a former special effects technician who stole Stark technology and wrecked up several European cities pretending to be a hero? Why didn't that happen? SHIELD? I know you were probably busy with, you know, the half of all humanity who got dusted coming back to life and, also, seemingly, things involving aliens, but you couldn't put out a press release or something? Anything?
And why does everyone instantly believe that Spider-Man is a bad guy? He was part of the Avengers, he saved the fucking world, he stood against Thanos when it counted.
Jameson works when Spider-Man exists as the only superhero in his universe. Or comic book title. Or whatever. When Spider-Man is just doing Spider-Man things, Jameson trying to turn New York against him kinda works. It absolutely doesn't work in a world where Spider-Man is part of a wider group of superheroes. Because, sorry, you're cranky about Spider-Man doing a thing when the Avengers (by which I mean mostly Tony Stark) have blown up New York every 18 months or so for the last few years.
Makes no damn sense.
So the starting point already doesn't work for me. But that needs to have happened in order for the inciting incident of the movie to happen...
And then, Holland's Peter Parker makes... all the wrong decisions. Yes, I realise that if he makes the smart choices then we don't have a movie and we don't necessarily get the second half of this movie... but still, it was infuriating to watch him make the dumb choices. Also, yes, yes, yes... empathy, etc, etc... but a lot of the first half of this movie is just frustrating.
Apologies to Jacob Batalon, but I still need to amount of Ned in these movies to be much closer to 0% than it currently is. Likewise Tony Revolori... his Flash is... essentially pointless, especially in this movie. See also, Jon Favreau and all of the Happy Hogan scenes. In a two and a half hour movie, think about if you REALLY need this scene in the movie.
There are basically a number of scenes in the first half of this movie that could have been left on the cutting room floor, mostly a lot of the cringy school stuff... because, I'm sorry, I don't what kind of shitty teacher you are, I don't think you're allowed to accuse your student of murder without at least a little bit of proof.
And as much as I love that they got five different villains from the Spider-Man franchise in this movie, when two of them are entirely CGI versions of the characters and one of them barely factors into the plot of the movie at all, you have to ask... did you really need them? It's fine, it makes sense, they got major villains from all three Maguire movies and both Garfield movies, so if you were missing one of them it would probably stand out.
Plus, Willem Dafoe only seems to have two speeds, Indy Grumpy or Over The Top Scenery Chewing, and he's definitely doing the latter here. It was a bit much in the original movie, and it feels even more overblown here. It's not bad... it's just... a different level. And, you know, maybe that works with the theme and context of this movie.
But, full spoiler warning here, the point at which this movie really becomes what it is and becomes memorable and manages to make movies that are between 7 and 19 years old so much better, is when the aforementioned two previous instances of Spider-Man, Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire show up as the Spider-Man from their part of the multiverse. In the most tonally perfect ways possible.
Because it's clear that the two of them have great affection for the character and for Holland's version and just the time they spent as everyone's favourite wall-crawler. And it comes through on screen. From them referencing moments their characters went through and having this movie pay those moments off in ways that are genuinely moving... to them being involved in shaping the story of what happened to those characters after we no longer were watching them... to some of my favourite moments being improvised by the actors on set.
And they clearly got along and liked each other. That completely shines through the screen.
It must be a weird situation to be in. You were well known at one point in your acting career as this one character, and then at a certain point, a new guy comes along and takes over and they throw your version of the character away and start again. And maybe you left under positive circumstances and maybe you left with bad feelings about the whole experience, but now you get to reprise that character, alongside two other actors who have been through a very similar experience to you...
It must be weird, but it also much be really lovely, because all three actors seem like they're nice guys.
So, yes, you could get to the second half of this movie in different ways... and you might still get the same feeling... but, as much as I was not feeling the first half of this movie, if I need to sit through he first half in order to get the second half that we got... I can live with that. And, you know, maybe when I rewatch this movie, I'll just start it at the point that it gets good for me.
I don't want to finish this review without mentioning Holland's MJ, Zendaya. Due to the amount of characters in the movie, they don't give her that much to do, although the scene where she and Batalon meet Garfield is a standout... but the chemistry she has with Holland is evident on screen. And yes, part of that is because they were either already a couple or on their way to being a couple in real life. But like with a number of other movies where the two leads were romantically involved, you can feel it on screen.
As I mentioned at the start of this... I also like... well, like is a funny way of phrasing it... but the way that the movie ends is honestly the right way for it to have ended in my opinion. And I'm excited to see what they do next if Holland chooses to stay on for future movies.
Oh, and chef's kiss for the Tom Hardy post credit scene... I had been thinking about him all movie long, and they held off and used him in just the right way.
yani's rating: 3 magic spells out of 5
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